I Won’t Be Home For Christmas
Originally posted on December 24, 2007
Kaida: Gee, I’m sorry about that. I can’t remember when I’ve watched a worse movie.
Jeremiah: Started to watch it, you mean.
Kaida: Yeah, what you said. I like, never turn one off without watching through to the end, but this one….. Egads, I think I would have bored us both to death.
Jeremiah: Yeah, what you said.
Kaida: I should have just picked up “A Christmas Story” – that one’s always hysterical, no matter how many times I see it.
Jeremiah: ”A Christmas Story?” Is it some manger and angels thing or something?
Kaida: (laughs) Not hardly. It’s like one of those slice-of-life stories – but a really goofy, twisted slice, if you know what I mean. You’ve never seen it?
Jeremiah: Don’t think so.
Kaida: Oh you’d remember it if you had. About this kid Ralphie who…. you know what? I don’t want to wreck it for you. How about I rent it another time? Doesn’t have to be Christmas for it to be a hoot.
Jeremiah: OK, sounds good.
Kaida: Sorry about tonight’s disaster. So what else do you want to do? It’s way too early for Kohana and Asher to be getting back.
Jeremiah: Dunno.
Kaida: Here’s a really radical idea. Wanna play a board game?
Jeremiah: Board game? What’s that?
Kaida: Don’t tell me you’ve never played board games! Uh… Parcheesi? Monopoly? Chutes and Ladders? ……(Jeremiah keeps shaking his head)….. Chess? Checkers?
Jeremiah: Nothing sounds familiar. (laughs at her look of stunned disbelief) Just kidding, this time. Yeah, I know some board games… I just don’t….. (cell rings) Hang on.
Jeremiah: Yeah, hello? Oh………Gideon. (lowers his voice)
Jeremiah: No, I’m not at Asher’s…..No….. haven’t checked my email since this morning, just came from a par…….no. Oh yeah? Well big deal. No forget it; I’m not going to…… sh**. Yeah, same to you.
Jeremiah: (closes phone) and a Merry Friggin’ Chr……. Sorry, Kaida.
(long silence)
Kaida: I’m sorry you can’t be with your brother and your Mom at Christmas.
Jeremiah: It’s no big deal. Even if we were all home, we wouldn’t do anything Christmas-y together, so no worries.
Kaida: Don’t you even buy presents for each other?
Jeremiah: Not like you guys do. My mother sticks a couple hundred in my Paypal account and I use it to pay for my game subscriptions and stuff I want at school. I usually get her a gift certificate or something. That way she can use it wherever she is.
Kaida: What about Gideon?
Jeremiah: (makes a rude noise) Yeah right. He’d tell you the best present is my absence. So it looks like he got just what he wanted this year.
Kaida: I’m sorry.
Jeremiah: Don’t be. Being on my own is better than being around my brother.
Kaida: (brightly) But this year you have other family - this year you’re staying with Asher.
Jeremiah: Things are rolling along pretty slow there. He doesn’t feel like family yet.
Jeremiah: Maybe that’s a good thing, with the family I have.
Kaida: Well I gotta tell you, even if you’re not in practice buying gifts, what you picked out for Dolores was sheer genius.
Jeremiah: Yeah? That’s cool. Guess she must have really liked it. I thought there for a minute we were going to have to go back for the Kleenex!