Sure Grow 'Em Big Where You Come From
Originally posted on February 11, 2007
Asher: Kaida, could you go get my laptop? Something’s wrong with the spot sequence and I need to work on that next.
Kaida: Sure, anything you say, Boss-man.
Asher: And don’t call me that! Sheeeeeeesh.
Voice #1: Nothing wrong with your sequence; you got a spot or two where the aim’s off. Better re-focus those before you change anything else.
Asher: That’s a thought, Thanks, Pete…. hey.……wait…...what the.…..
Asher: Eli????????
Eli: ‘Tis indeed me, the one and only, saving your butt a whole lot of trouble as usual.
Asher: Saving me trouble? Can’t be little brother Eli then. The one I grew up with only makes trouble!
Asher: Just kidding man, good to see you - what are you doing here, for real? You didn’t come all this way just because I missed Christmas?
Eli: Nah, didn’t miss your scrawny hide that much. Had this impulse so here I am, checking out your new digs, seeing what you’re up to, settling a little wager…..
Asher: Oh, yeah, I shoulda known. You’d drive like seven, eight hours up here just to win a bet when I haven’t seen you in - what is it? Something like six months?
Eli: More like eight. And far as I know, the roads are still passable from here heading south. You could have come home if you wanted to see us. But that’s not the whole reason we’re…
Voice #2, offstage: People who treat poor helpless botanicals like this oughtta be shot.
Eron: Poor hedera helix has just about had it. All it really needs is….
Asher: Eron! You’re here too?
Eron: Yeah, just in time by the look of things. You’ve really let the place go, Asher.
Asher: I have not. Well, maybe just the plants…
Eron: Maybe just the plants? With that attitude you should never be trusted with them, people like you don’t believe in – ah, never mind. Good to see you Asher, I’ll save the horticultural care lecture for later, but you are going to hear it. Poor little ivy….
Asher: So tell me, what brings you guys here? I doubt it’s just to criticize my plants or check the aim on my spots.
Eron: (to Eli) You haven’t told him? I thought you emailed!
Eli: Musta forgot. Hey, we’re here now, what’s the difference? So let’s settle our little wager and…
Kaida: Asher, you’re gonna have to tell me where you’re hiding your lapto……
Kaida: …..Whoa……………………..????? Did I shrink?
Eli: Awwww, look, it’s a little person. (to Asher) You have them here, too?
Kaida: I…..I…. Aye-Yi-Yi……
Asher: Sorry Kaida, just ignore the big galoot’s comments. Easier that way. These are my “baby” brothers, Eli…
Eli: Yo.
Asher: And Eron.
Eron: Nice to meet you, Kaida.
Kaida: Baby brothers? They sure do grow ‘em big where you’re from, don’t they?
Eli: Yeah, and down where we’re from, folks your size have to live under the bridge and go to work in a chocolate factory with their own kind.
Eron: And some rude people where we come from make us all look bad. Ignore Eli, like Asher says – even though our Grandma raised us all the same she always said Eli had to be “drug up” most of the time. As for the height,… guess we all just got big genes.
Kaida: (Staring at his jeans) You sure do….errr… did….. Man, I was just getting used to Asher. Now I suppose I’ll have to get used to having three of you giants around. I’m gonna get a crick in my neck.
Asher: They won’t be around long enough, Kaida. Once they settle their little bet and visit a while I’m sure they’ll be on their way back home again. How long you guys planning on staying anyway?
Eron: (to Eli) You didn’t tell him anything?
Eli: Nah, seemed best to spring it on him without notice. ‘Fraid the oompa-loompa girl here is correct, Bro. If she hangs out with you she’s gonna have to get used to us after all.
Asher: Oh?
Eron: Sorry Asher, I really thought you knew…
Eli: We’re moving up here, where all the “action” is. Such as it is.
Asher: Well, that could be cool. It will be real interesting having you guys close by.
Eli: Hey, thanks for the warm welcome. See, Eron? Told you he wouldn’t mind.
Eron: Yeah? Tell him the rest, Eli.
Asher: What rest?
Eron: Eli’s plan. We’re um….moving all right, Asher. Moving in - with you.
…to be continued…