Turning the Tables
Originally posted on April 1, 2007
Kaida: Back again? Didn’t I harass you enough last time?
Eli: Just waiting on Asher. He needs some help with some heavy set pieces so I’m here to lend my considerable brawn to the cause.
Kaida: (squeezes his upper arm) Oh, really? Playing macho man today, are we?
Eli: Hey you’re the one who says I’m half-witted and only good for throwing my weight around. Gotta use my dubious talents somehow.
Kaida: Ummm, whatever. So what’s with the writing tablet? Searching for the brainiac within?
Eli: Nah, I’ve given up on that. Might as well stick with what I can do. I’m writing to Cassandra.
Kaida: Are you really……And….?
Eli: Annoying as it is to admit, I decided you were 100% correct, Kaida. I’m telling her she won’t have to put up with my unwanted attentions anymore.
Kaida: WHAT? I mean…… what….uh…. made you decide I was right after all?
Eli: Well, with the limited amount of brainpower available to me, I thought long and hard about it. What you said made sense. I think Cassandra has been trying to brush me off for a long time, only I didn’t see it.
Kaida: But what did she do? What are you interpreting as a brush-off? Maybe you shouldn’t rush into any decision right now…..
Eli: No, you were right. I need to cut my losses. The quicker the better. I don’t enjoy humiliation any more than the next guy, Kaida.
Kaida: Eli, I didn’t mean it that way. What I meant was…. Well, if she rejected you it could possibly be a little embarrassing and…
Eli: Nope. Decision’s made. Now to word this so I don’t hurt her feelings. Although I don’t think that’s going to be too hard since I doubt she had any for me.
Kaida: Hold on, hold on, let me think here…..
Eli: I appreciate you thinking on my behalf, Kaida, but now I need to be a man and do this for myself. Got to do my own thinking now…..… Hey, when you offered to introduce me to a couple of the new actresses, did you mean it?
Kaida: Yeah, I…well errrr……I’m not sure…. I……
Eli: That’s ok. I’m sure I can manage on my own. Those “obvious” types aren’t so hard to approach. I can muddle through this myself, I’m sure. Now, where did I leave my shades?
Kaida: Eli, wait.
Eli: What?
Kaida: I um….. I think maybe I better tell you something first.
Eli: You know where my sunglasses are, don’t you? Why, you little dickens, bet you hid them where I’d have to go through Dolores to get to them, didn’t you? Well they can just stay there. No way am I facing her on her turf just for that! See you around kiddo…..
Kaida: NO! Not….I just….. sit down, Eli. I can see I’m going to have to ‘fess up. And not about your sunglasses. They’re right over there on the ledge, right where you left them.
Eli: Oh, thanks! (grabs them and puts them on) So what’s this big confession?
Kaida: Eli, I don’t want you to write to Cassandra and call it off. Whatever “it” is, anyway. I was wrong. I thought if I tried hard enough to convince you that you weren’t right for each other, it would just make you try harder, amp up your efforts so to speak. I never thought you’d actually believe me or…….you gonna stop me anytime soon?
Eli: No, not me. Go on, I don’t want to interrupt.
Kaida: Ummmm… this is getting a little uncomfortable…
Eli: Not for me. Now that I’ve gotten used to your meddling I’m actually enjoying it, Munchkin. Keep talking.
Kaida: I…uh….. I was using a little psychology on you. Reverse psychology. You know, where you pretend to disagree with something you really want? Like, when I said you should give up on Cassandra, I really wanted you to do the opposite, ya know? I’m sorry. I hope I caught you in time before you got to her and did something stupid just because I screwed up and…. why are you shaking? (narrows eyes) Are you laughing at me????
Eli: Only as hard as I ever have! If you could have seen the look on your face! Oh this is sweet, really, really sweet.
Kaida: You weren’t writing to Cassandra after all, were you? You were just teaching me a lesson all along! Why, I oughtta….. but…..heh heh……I can’t…ha ha ha…….. help……hee hee……too funny…….
Eli: I gotta hand it to you kid. At least you’re a good loser. Anyone who can laugh at themselves when they mess up is right up there in my book.
Kaida: Awww, don’t go wrecking our heretofore beautiful relationship, Goliath. If we become “bestest buds” who ya gonna spar with?
Eli: No danger of that, Munchkin. Once a scrapper, always a scrapper. And now that I’ve finally won one, I’ve developed a taste for victory, so you better watch out!