Real Reasons

Originally posted on June 13, 2007

Eli: Hi.
Cassandra: Hi.

Eli: I have to tell you, I was real surprised to find you still here.
Cassandra: Why? I’m not a coward, Eli. Even if there was someplace to run to, I don’t run.
Eli: I see that now. I guess I underestimated you….in a lot of ways. You want to talk about it?
Cassandra: No, not really.

Eli: (trying to lighten up) Hey, I have an announcement to make.
Cassandra: (impatiently) Now what?
Eli: I’ve decided to retire the cowboy hat. Gonna put it in a museum right next to your notepad and your …
Cassandra: Eli, stop.

Eli: Whatever you want, Tiny.
(they sit quietly for a while)
Eli: Cassandra?
Cassandra: (resigned) Yes, Eli?
Eli: Does it bother you that I came over? You want me to leave?
Cassandra: Maybe that would be best.

Cassandra: … Best, but…..no, I don’t want to do what is best right now, and I don’t want you to go.

Eli: Good, ‘cause I don’t want to leave you alone. I like being with you. Guess I got used to it these past few weeks.
Cassandra: I don’t think I’ll ever get used to you, Eli.
Eli: You say that like it’s a bad thing.
Cassandra: It’s neither bad nor good. It just…… is.
Eli: You still leaving tomorrow?
Cassandra: Yes, I need to stick to my original plan.

Eli: Need to, or want to?
Cassandra: Need to. Want to. Both, I suppose.
Eli: This feels weird. The two of us – we never shut up, you know? And here we are dancing around what really needs to be said, not saying a damn thing. I don’t like it much.
Cassandra: Nor do I. (sigh) Say what you want to say, Eli. Then I’ll say my piece and maybe we won’t have it standing between us anymore.

Eli: Cassandra, I won’t pretend I wasn’t shocked to hear…. what you told me. I was. I’m sure you’ve figured out by now, I thought you were …. you had…..experience. The way you kiss...…wow…. You are one incredible, sexy…… sorry….. I guess it would have been easier to just go along for the ride, play the game I thought you were playing….
Cassandra: I wasn’t playing, Eli.
Eli: I know that now. Wish I had realized it right away. When it finally sunk in, I just knew I couldn’t go ahead…..Cassandra, I often get accused of acting without thinking. But last night…. I knew it would be a bad idea to do that with something so important.

Cassandra: And so you made the decision - for both of us. Without considering that I was fully capable of making that decision for myself.
Eli: I……
Cassandra: No, let me finish. You deserve to know what I’ve been thinking about too. Ever since………well. You’re right – this is awkward. Imagine – both of us tongue tied at the same time.
Eli: Planets must be lined up just right, huh?
Cassandra: Or something. Eli…..(clears throat) I’ve been way out of my depth since I arrived. I was so sure I could get you all neatly figured out that I fooled myself into believing I had succeeded. Somewhere along the line I started believing what I wanted to believe instead of what my research was really telling me. And all along I missed the plain simple fact that all the research in the world could not have prepared me for someone like you.

Eli: There’s that phrase again. “Someone like you.” Gotta admit it’s not my favorite thing to hear, never has been. You’ll never hear me use it when I’m talking about you, Cassandra. Because in my opinion, there is no one……. absolutely no one…… like you.
Cassandra: You’ve given me lots to think about Eli, when I go home tomorrow.
Eli: I wish you wouldn’t do too much thinking without me. We’re still not on the same page and I can’t figure out…..I don’t know how else I can explain.

Cassandra: That is exactly why I need to be on my own to do my thinking. I don’t want you to make my mind up for me. You’re just too good at making it all come out your way. So I think it’s best if I go….. until I know for certain what I need…. and whether it has anything to do with what you are willing to give.
Eli: Guess I won’t know until you do then. You have a ride to the airport?

Cassandra: Yes, I…. Kohana is taking me. I’m sorry, that’s what I arranged before….
Eli: I’ll leave you alone to do your thinking, then. Just so you know - it’s under protest.

Cassandra: (whispers) Good-bye, Eli…….

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