How to Handle a Brother
Originally posted on July 18, 2010
Female Voice, Offstage: Oh, Wonderful Brother of Mine….. Where’s my favoritest Big Brother in the Whole Wide World?
Misha: Uh-oh.
Misha: This can’t be good.
Stassia: There you are, Dearest, Darlingest, Most Specialest Brother!
Misha: What do you want now, Anastasia?
Stassia: Do I have to WANT something? Can’t I just tell the kindest, sweetest, most generous-est brother EVER, that I appreciate him?
Misha: Generous-est, huh? Sorry, Kiddo, payday isn’t until next week. Can’t spot you a loan – I’ve got less than twenty bucks to my name until then and I’m probably going to need gas.
Stassia: Maybe I can help YOU out then. I don’t need a loan, but I do need a ride. Well, not just me, me and Kaida and Demi, and Marlo if she can make it…. we’re going to the beach…. Or we WERE going to the beach…. Only we need a way to GET there.
Misha: You’ve got your license. What’s wrong with Mom’s car?
Stassia: Mom took Nicky for his checkup. It was so brainless of me - but I forgot all about it when we made these plans for the beach. Come on – we’ll give you money for gas, maybe buy you a couple of boardwalk dogs and a mega-Mountain Dew…. We won’t even hassle you if you ogle the girls – the OTHER girls, I mean.
Misha: Don’t any of your friends have transportation? The traffic down there this time of year is unbelievable.
Stassia: They don’t, not today. I assured them I would be able to drive, so they didn’t try to set anything up. And now it’s too late.
Misha: Let me get this straight – you want me to drive you and your friends all the way to the beach – that’s the one that’s three hours away, right? And then what am I supposed to do while you frolic in the surf?
Stassia: Maybe you could….. well, you could hang out with us. I doubt you’d want to, though; a bunch of silly high school girls, giggling, squealing about getting splashed on…. oooing and aaaaahing over all the tanned, dishy, COOL guys….
Misha: Yeah, bad idea. Not cool for me to get picked up looking like I’m responsible for you underage girls parading around dressed in… whoa…. not much. I don’t need Contributing to the Delinquency of Minors on my record.
Stassia: Well, I CAN’T just borrow your car – you won’t let me drive it!
Misha: Because you don’t know HOW to drive it, remember?
Stassia: And whose fault is that?
Misha: Yours? Learn to drive a stick, Stass – it’s good having options. I’m even willing to teach you, but that’s not going to help you out today.
Stassia: Please, Misha! Please, please, please, PLEASE?????
Misha: No, Stass. I’m not about to blow my whole day off chauffeuring around a group of boy-crazy jailbait….
Stassia: Ohhhhh, you make me soooo MAD!.....
Misha: *chuckle* Sort of disappointed in you, Sis. Surely you can come up with better incentive than a pair of dogs and a Dew.
Stassia: How about this, then? I’ll ask Demi to bring her Netbook for you to use. All the conveniences of home….
Misha: Big deal – Connection’s bound to be better here at the house.
Stassia: *sing-song-y* She’s got the beta for BioKindred…..wouldn’t you just LOVE a long, uninterrupted look your competition’s upcoming mega-hit?
Misha: Uh, I don’t think…. no shit???? BioKindred in Beta? How’d she get a hold of that?
Stassia: Oh….I think she said her brother knows a guy who knows a guy…. You know how it goes...
Stassia: So what do you say? It’s an offer you can’t refuse, right?
Misha: Sisters.
Stassia: *from off* By the way, Darlingest Brother…. no WAY are you driving us in your pajamas. Get dressed!
Misha: *mental expletive deleted*