Dropping the Mask
Originally posted on September 26, 2007.
Eron: You did it again.
Eli: Did what?
Eron: Managed to surprise me, both me and Asher. I thought you were coming home by yourself.
Eli: I did too, up until almost the last minute.
Eron: What made you change your mind?
Eli: That’s a bit of a long story, but in a way I have you to thank for it. You and that advice you gave me.
Eron: Me? I haven’t spoken to you in….. how long? Couple months?
Eli: This was even farther back. You told me to “be myself, but be nice.” Remember?
Eron: Sure I do.
Eli: At the time I didn’t think the two were compatible.
Eron: What do you mean? You didn’t think you had it in you to be nice?
Eli: Um, actually…… no. And especially not with a nice girl.
Eron: Where did you get that idea?
Eli: From our father.
Eron: Oh. (thinks about this) Yeah, guess I worry about that a little myself.
Eli: I didn’t just worry – I was convinced. Like I finally admitted to Cassandra, I always thought….
A few days before…
Eli: Alone at last – and I just gotta have that kiss, Darlin’.
Cassandra: (giggling) You never quit, do you?
Eli: I almost gave up once, you know.
Cassandra: Gave up?
Eli: Yeah, when you left and wouldn’t talk to me; I almost quit then.
Cassandra: But you didn’t. Why was that?
Eli: If I tell you, you have to promise not to get mad at me. I’m terrified of that wicked throwing arm of yours, Tiny.
Cassandra: Which I can also use to wrest it out of you if you don’t get to the point.
Eli: Mmmm Tiny, is that a promise?
Cassandra: Focus, Eli.
Eli: Yeah you’re right – I started this, so I need to get on with it. Cassandra… ……..you’ve already guessed that…. I’m pretty good at hiding what I’m really like.
Cassandra: Yes, I guessed that some time ago - it was one of the things that made me want to meet you in person. It's been very challenging for me, Eli - trying to see behind your mask.
Eli: Well then, maybe you won’t like hearing that…. that mask was totally intentional. I didn’t want you to find out anything important….anything real…..about me.
Cassandra: I know that too. Why would I be upset about that?
Eli: I don’t know. Maybe because you’d figure I played you. And you wouldn’t be wrong. I tried to….. in the beginning.
Cassandra: Just tell me something, Eli.
Eli: Yeah?
Cassandra: Are you being real with me now?
Eli: As real as I can.
Cassandra: Then tell me something from your real self.
Eli: I’ll try.
Cassandra: How do you feel about me?
Eli: Can I get back to you on that?
Cassandra: (hurt) Yes, of course.
Eli: Cassandra……..I want to answer that. But I have to tell you something else, something that’s been on my mind for most of the summer, before I do. Okay?
Cassandra: All right.
Eli: I’ve gone out with lots of girls. Had a good time with most of ‘em. Had a really good time with a few, if you know what I mean. But I never met anyone like you before. I didn’t know that you’d be any different…..so I didn’t treat you any differently, not at first. The way I always operated before was to have a good time, keep it light, move on before it started to become anything more than that. Not enough time that way, for anyone to see…. what I didn’t want them to see.
Cassandra: And what was that, Eli?
Eli: I didn’t want them to see what I was really like. Who I was really like. That it wasn’t in my nature to be anything else, to feel anything more. Because you see, Cassandra…... I always thought I was like my father.
Cassandra: I thought you never knew your father.
Eli: I didn’t. But you can’t be a nosy little monster like I was growing up and not…. hear things. And I heard plenty about my father - none of it good. Apparently he was an egotistical jerk incapable of any real feeling.
Cassandra: Oh, Eli, I’m so sorry.
Eli: Anyway, there you were with your checklists and your nosy questions and that should have annoyed the hell out of me. You were so damn convinced I was wrong for you, tried so hard to prove it, and all I could think about was showing you how wrong you were. And then…. I hurt you.
Cassandra: That was only a misunderstanding, Eli. And we worked through it, didn’t we?
Eli: Almost didn’t get the chance to. That’s when I almost gave up. But in the middle of arguing with myself over it, I realized something. I realized I wasn’t playing fair, and damned if I didn’t feel guilty about it. And I figured I had to have something over dear old Dad after all, if I cared enough to try and make things right. So I decided, before I gave up on us for good, and even if you ended up not liking what you saw, I was going to have to drop the mask. You deserved that much at least.
Eli: So I came out to give it one more try, only to find out you had this army of protectors around you. You know that didn’t stop me either. Even if I had to get past all of them first, I was going to get to see you. And I was doing okay too, got through Marty Jean and was working on convincing Draculina, when Avenyon floored me with her question. You overheard Avenyon, didn’t you? You heard what she asked me?
Cassandra: Yes…..
Eli: And you heard how I answered, right?
Cassandra: Yes…you gave her one of your usual non-answer answers.
Eli: It wasn’t any of her business. She knew that, and I’m sure she didn’t expect me to answer her any other way. She was just trying to make me think. Which I did, and I have – lots.
Eli: …Cassandra, this summer has been so great. Being with you…..well, it’s made me happier than I ever remember being before…so much, that I just can’t let this time we’ve had together end without telling you……..
Eli: I love you.
Eron: Whoa. The L-word, huh?
Eli: Yup. Never thought I’d be saying that to anyone.
Eron: And you meant it. I can tell by the goofy look on your face that you mean it.
Eli: Sure do.
Eron: So, what’s next?
Eli: I don’t know. I just know neither of us wanted to be on opposite sides of the country after that.