Chameleon
Originally posted on July 15, 2010
Camille: Hey there, girl, is your drink all right? Because mine sure isn’t…
Pool Patron: It’s fine.
Camille: Did you even try it yet?
Pool Patron: Yes, I tried it – mine seems to be fine.
Camille: I can’t believe this – what is with this place?!? Twelve bucks and the drinks are watered down. You sure yours is good?
Pool Patron: Yes, I’m quite sure.
Camille: How come you’re not drinkin’ it, then?
Pool Patron: I am – I’m….. sipping slowly. *uneasy smile* Trying to make that twelve dollar investment last.
Camille: Now see? That’s what I’m talkin’ about! Twelve. Freakin’. Dollars. And for what? ....Nothin’ but water, ice, and a little funky blue color.
Pool Patron: I think…. *becoming bolder* …they have a policy of charging the gratuity up front with the cost of the drinks. So customers don’t have to remember to tip the wait staff. So it’s probably more like…. I don’t know….um… *timidly*…. ten dollars?.............
Camille: Well, one lousy little drink isn’t gonna make me forget anything. ‘Specially one as weak as this - it’s got no taste. I bet the pool water has more kick to it….Good God Almighty….Where’s that waiter, anyway? *calls to a waiter passing by across the pool* Hey! Hey you!............Twelve bucks for one lousy drink and the skinny-ass waiter hasn’t been by to ask how we like them. Why should he? He already GOT his damn tip…..
Camille: I’m gonna go complain – tell them they’re gonna have to mix a new one for me, right on the bar where I can see everything they put into it. You want me to get you a fresh one, too?
Pool Patron: No, really. I’m fine. I never finish them anyway.
Camille: Doesn’t matter – they still owe you somethin’ besides crappy service and three ounces of water for your twelve bucks. Three ounces for twelve bucks – that’s criminal, that is.
Camille: That’s….. *concentrates hard* …. like five bucks a pound!
Camille: Lemme get you another one….come on, you can’t let ‘em get away with this shit.
Pool Patron: It’s okay… really. I’m….I should be leaving soon anyway. I don’t like to stay out in the sun too long.
Camille: Honey, that’s shade you’re settin’ in.
Pool Patron: I know…. but…. it’s …. it’s getting late and the sun’s coming around and the angle will change and the shade will be gone very soon, and….
Pool Patron: It…..it was very nice meeting you. I hope you get your drink mixed the way you want it.
Pool Patron: *exits quickly*
Camille: *Loud snort* Fat chance of that.
*soundless pager activates*
Camille: Yes, I’m here……. Oh, really…… All right, I’m on it. ……. Sure I did, exactly as requested. *lowers her voice* I made a real pain of myself here. When you called just now, I was on my way to rattle the barkeep. …..Yes, I know, I know. Don’t worry – they’ll remember me.
Camille: ….Or at least they’ll remember a big, not-too bright, loud-mouthed bitch who was impossible to please.
Camille: Knock it off, will you? ………These constant checks, that’s what ………Yes, I know exactly who I’m talking to. You should know me better by now. You let me do what I do best, I’ll get it done for you. Don’t I always? *laughs* Yes, they are definitely going to remember me….I can be very memorable.
Camille: You don’t believe me - you just watch – You’ve never seen such style, such panache. I can do classy. I can do nasty. I can do the hell out of obnoxious. I can even do humble. I can be your dream girl…. or your worst nightmare, *laughs* as you know…*disconnects*
<Camille: ….. I can be anything you want.